youre lurking in front of me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
