Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
