I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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