Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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