chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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