she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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