i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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