I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
