Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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