I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
