I CAN MOONWALK!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
