I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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