You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
