This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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