Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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