Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
