Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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