That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
