sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
