soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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