Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How naked do you want me to be?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
