thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
