The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
