I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
