I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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