What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
