He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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