i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
