hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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