five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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