If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I love you.
Bad choice
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
