Someone shit on the floor
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
