and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
