P.S. I can't hear my feet
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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