And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
