I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
