hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its not stalking. its research.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
