Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
