Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
