you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
