so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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