Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
