So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
