I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
