sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
nutella sex= disaster
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
