Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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