Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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