'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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