I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
