My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
