Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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