New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
