shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
