i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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