May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
