We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
