remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
