Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
