everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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