i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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